January 5, 2014

Well, I failed. I didn't write a post yesterday, but here I am now. Maybe that's part of the "secret to success"? If (or when) you fall, you get up and keep going, even if it's a step or two. Something about that analogy rings true with me. I've been noticing lately in my reading, the same idea keeps popping up. "God, are you trying to tell me something?" :) I know as a teacher that just because I say something, doesn't mean my students hear me. Their little minds may be a million miles away and I'm just Charlie Brown's teacher wah wah wahing away in the distance. God has to repeat himself until I'm listening. UGH! I'm starting to think that maybe I'm asking the wrong questions. Instead of coming to God with, "What should I do?", I should ask, "What would you have me do?". Or instead of "Why won't you make this situation stop?", I should come to Him with "What do you want me to learn from this?" or "What is your purpose in this?" So now I'm thinking... instead of focusing on why I should quit teaching (which I won't do anytime soon, not until at least the end of the school year), I'll create a list of the Top Ten Reasons Why I Teach. It changes the focus a little... kind of like those pictures we used to have to look at a little off-focus so we could see the 3-D image hidden inside of them. If you stared right at them, they didn't make any sense. Maybe seeing the positives will help me to see more clearly why I'm doing what I'm doing as a teacher... 10. I get paid to do it. 9. It provides our family with health insurance. 8. It keeps me busy so I don't get bored. 7. It allows me to keep learning, to exercise my brain, so hopefully, I won't get OLD too soon. 6. It gives me the opportunity to know and to work with so many great people (my co-workers are wonderful). 5. It challenges me to make something hard or complex or complicated to be simple enough and meaningful enough for my students to understand. 4. It makes me a part of a group of people who are trying to make a difference in the world. 3. It lets me work with children, who still love life and learning and me (3rd graders are that way). 2. It can be so much fun when the students are engaged and focused! 1. It's where God has placed me right now in my life... at this school, with these children. That actually did work! I think I'm going to print out this list and refer to it periodically as a reminder. On those days when I forget (which happens too often!), I'll tell myself, "Remember now? So get up and get dressed and get in the game!".

January 3, 2014

This morning I woke up feeling so burdened... a little like this guy... I won't go into detail as to why. Some of it is because of my own failings and weaknesses. Some of it has to do with worries from the world, from a situation with my son. It doesn't matter, though, what's causing the load. What matters is that I'm choosing to take it on, when I don't have to. In keeping with my focus on the word "enough" this year, I went to scriptures and found this version of 2 Corinthians 12:9 and 10 in The Message: "... and he told me, 'My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.' Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size- abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." I want to be able to say, "Everything's good! No worries!" and live it. Right at this moment I can say that :), but I know I'm a wimp and that I give into my emotions too easily. I think I'll go ahead and write this down and put it all around me. My grace is enough; it's all you need.

Day 2. Two days into the year and I'm struggling. Guess this is the post-holidays blues people talk about? I'm trying to be positive, to see how very blessed I am, because I am. I have more than enough (there's that word!) in my life to celebrate. So why don't I? I feel a little like this silly mutt... Feeling stuck... ineffective, like I can't get going with everything I need to do... mainly just to be glad to be who I am. Not that I don't need to change things about myself, I do! But when I stop and count down the ways I'm blessed (which I should do every day), I have no reason to feel anything but grateful. So, maybe that's just where I need to start, by saying "thank you" for all the good things. I need to write thank you notes to my students and their parents for the Christmas gifts they gave me. I keep putting that off, but that's just dumb. I'm not expected to write the next great American thank you note, just a simple thanks. So, this afternoon, that's what I'm going to do. Then, to finish grading those tests and entering them. Tomorrow, I will be finished with all of that! I'll give myself the gift of two days of not having that hanging over my head before I have to go back to work. Brookes, be thankful that you've had the past few weeks off! Most people didn't. And then you'll have the 20th off this month. You can do it! You can finish this school year. Half way there, sistah! Keep moving. Keep celebrating that you're out there, that each day God gives you enough strength and wisdom and whatever it is you need to keep going. Receive His gifts and say thank you!

January 1, 2014

The first day of 2014 and I'm going to see how many days this year I will actually sit down and write. My word of the year is "enough". I want to focus on how God is enough, more than enough, for whatever I will face in the next 365 days. Through Him, I have enough courage, enough strength, enough peace... I will try to live my faith in Him better than I have before. I have dreams, to change what I do and how I live, but I just don't change. This year, I hope I will. I want to prove that He's enough to myself and to anyone who knows me.